“White Ribbon” Day is actually the same day as the International Day for the Elimination of (Male) Violence Against Women (and Gender-Based Violence) – IDEVAW. It’s meant to be a day that highlights the harm some men do, and to hear women’s voices and the challenges they face (eg, 2025’s theme was digital harm).
IDEVAW day is not intended to shame men, and not to imply that we need men to protect women (or any other adult), but in fact to ask them to acknowledge the role that men may play in the harm against women, especially if they buy into a system that places women as “weak”.
This year (as it seems every year), instead of handing over the mic, some men saw an opportunity to raise their status for look-at-me likes, be a “White Knight” (itself used in white male extremist rhetoric), and used their platforms to showcase themselves.
As a result, once again, women were erased from the conversation we need to have.
Ironically, this can reinforce a system that says men are here to save us, when in reality they’re the ones who predominantly turn violent (including towards other men). It also creates a narrow idea of masculinity – of what men “should” be, and their role in the world.
Taking a moral position on misogyny and violence against women only on days of action, especially if it’s to improve one’s brand or reputation (eg, to make someone/an organisation “look good”) is also part of the patriarchal construct that tells men their success is in their status (not character). Something is not always better than nothing, if that something is empty of substance, and feeds the very hierarchy that rewards power and control.
That’s not to say that this is what White Ribbon is about, but it often seems to be interpreted as a man standing up once a year and saying “we should defend the women!” This is then celebrated as men “doing their bit” (in a 60 second soundbite, or photo of themselves on the staff intranet) and as if women should be grateful for that. Labelling it ‘White Ribbon’ also removes the predominant perpetrator from the conversation – violent men.
With that in mind, here’s some food for thought:
💡 Can we agree that notions of “defending women” feeds into the system that places men’s role as simply provider and protector – when men are capable of so much more (like carer and confidante)?
💡And can we then ask, “from whom do women need protecting?”
💡And then if we agree that it’s predominantly men that harm women, can we name it as male violence?
💡And if we can name it as male violence, can we then ask men to interrogate their own daily behaviours and how they even inadvertently feed into the system that harms women – and everyone else?
💡 And can they then do the work of having conversations with other men?
It’s important to show gratitude and appreciation for the men who understand and demonstrate genuine allyship. But if it simply prompts defensiveness, when a woman tries to stick her heads above the parapet, or makes her a target it’s no wonder women may be scared to ask men to listen – and that’s the point. And if a man’s response is “well we just won’t do anything then!” – that may feel no different to any other day.
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